I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
