I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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