my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
