I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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