I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
