I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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