as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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