You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
