i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
