Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
