my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
