so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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