It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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