He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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