He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
