so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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