the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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