that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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