i think my tv is drunk
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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