So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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