I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
