My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's how pantless uber rides happen
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
