i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
