Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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