i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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