So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
