Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
