Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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