i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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