just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
