i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
