No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
