I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
