just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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