pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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