My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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