and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
