DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
