Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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