So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
