im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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