Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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