sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
