the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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