i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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