She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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