onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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