Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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