The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
