Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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