ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
