ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
