Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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