Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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