i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
