I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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