Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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