There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
