It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
