glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
