my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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