My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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