Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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