I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
