I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
