Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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