I hate your face
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
