Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Found your dick twin last night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
