Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
