I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Please don't give away my fajitas
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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