just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
