Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
