im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
