why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
