8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
