everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
