I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
