he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
