well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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