Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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