Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
