I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
