I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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