Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
