I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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