No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
