Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
