She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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